LinkedIn is the corporate Hunger Games where everyone’s trying to win the medal for "Most Inspiring Thought Leader." But there's a fine line between professional and painfully performative. If you've ever posted a photo of your coffee with a caption like “Leadership starts before sunrise ☕✨” — this one's for you.

Here’s how not to be that person.

1. Stop Using the Word “Humbled” When You Mean “Bragging”

You're not humbled. You're proud. Just say you're proud. Or better yet, let your achievement speak without the dramatic Oscar speech.

2. Don't Turn Every Life Event into a “Lesson in Leadership”

You missed the bus? That’s unfortunate, not a case study in resilience. Your dog barked during a Zoom call? Cute, not a metaphor for workplace disruption.

3. Avoid Posting Like a LinkedIn Influencer AI Bot

We know the format:
➡️ “I was 23. No money. No job. No clue.”
➡️ “Now I’m CEO of a blockchain yogurt startup.”
➡️ “Here’s what I learned.”
Skip the script. Be human instead.

4. Don’t Call Yourself a “Thought Leader” (Ever)

If you have to declare it, you’re not it. Just contribute to the conversation. Thought leadership is earned, not self-appointed.

5. Refrain from Posting Fake Conversations with Your Kids

Your 3-year-old did not ask you what it means to be an ethical manager. They asked for juice.

6. Use Emojis Sparingly 🧠🔥🚀

You're not writing a Gen Z horoscope. One or two tasteful emojis? Fine. A full hieroglyphic scroll? No.

7. Don’t Write Posts in the Style of Slam Poetry

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It’s not dramatic. It’s exhausting.

8. Quit Treating LinkedIn Like Instagram for Career People

Vacation selfies with captions like “Grateful to recharge before Q4” are just Instagram thirst traps in a suit. Keep it in the DMs.

9. Don’t Overdo the “Open to Work” Drama

Being open to opportunities? Good. Announcing your job search like you’re launching a Marvel movie? Maybe tone it down.

10. Be Normal. Please. Just Be Normal.

You don’t need to craft a TED Talk every time you hit “Post.” Think before you share. Ask yourself: Would I say this out loud in a room full of coworkers I respect?

LinkedIn can be an amazing platform to connect, learn, and grow — but only if we collectively stop treating it like a parody of itself. So, post smart. Post real. And above all, post like a person who wouldn’t make their dog write a cover letter.